i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A+ Viking dick
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize