I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
