I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
