remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
