I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
