In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
