Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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