I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
