The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
