he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
