"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
