I'm jealous of your bromance
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
