Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
