you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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