I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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