We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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