I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
