Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
