So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
