i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
