Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
