Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
