My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
