Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
