so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
