I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
