did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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