My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
