you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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