u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
