Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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