Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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