If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
