Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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