i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
