I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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