i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
