Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
