So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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