The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
