I got chris browned last night
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
