tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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