3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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