Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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