I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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