you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram