Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
