hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
