Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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