went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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