You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
