my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
