I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
