i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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