They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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