so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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