My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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