Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She bit a glass in half.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
