"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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